That first TWW, you're not prepared. Like I said in my last post, you analyse every little thing. The main thing? you're not prepared for the emotional rollercoaster.
I read alot over the first TWW abot other people's experiences, about their highs and lows, but it still can't prepare you.
Because you have to act like you ARE pregnant. All the precautions that you take during pregnancy, you have to take during those two weeks, just in case...
Cutting down caffeine, no raw fish, no soft cheese. So you do all this and you hope. And you become weirdly superstitous.
My DP and I were tentative about sharing our hope, each trying to ground the other without giving up our own hope. She would hold me, talk to me, say wonderful things like "Even if it doesn't work, we've taken the first step, that's what counts". We held each other, but that first time, our fear stopped us from being as honest as we should at times. So we talked about that too. I needed to let her in to the rational side of the process more, and she needed to let me in to her emotions. We held each other again. We don't want to be one of those lesbian couples who end up hating eachother going through this process. We ended up more in love than ever, more honest than ever.
I took a test too early, of course it was negative. I got spotting 3 days before my period was due, which never happens to me. I took another test. It was negative. I got my period. Nothing prepares you for how sad you get then. Having spent nearly two weeks living as though you'd conceived, imagining it inside you, picturing your partner holding it. I know why people on the forums call menstruation The Witch. I know why we all flock to these websites, to hold on to hope for as long as possible.
In the end the first time didn't work and that's ok, it wasn't meant to be then, and that's ok. We've done it, we never have to have the first TWW again. And I'm more in love than ever.
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